Banners will be going up tomorrow for the new Fornicate Freely campaign. As of tomorrow, homosexual fornication will be banned on the University of Miami Coral Gables campus. Homosexuals, or queers as they prefer, will be led to the sidewalks for their unnatural sexual acts.
This debate comes as a result of a student-led campaign by student government. Polls were distibuted throughout campus and it was found that 63 percent of students were heterosexual, the other 37 percent were sexually ambiguous.
However, as a result, homosexual fornication was banned on campus.
“I understand that gay sex isn’t usually accepted by the status quo,” Francis Barry says. “But this is absurd. I should be able to insert whosoever body part into mine that I chose.”
There is a phasing out campaign for homosexuals currently living on campus. The first year homosexuals will be limited to having sex in designated gay sex areas (Eaton Residential College cough). The following year, gay sex will be banned on campus. However once a student crosses Campo Sano or Ponce de Leon Blvd., they will be free to fornicate with whoever or whatever they chose on those two feet of sidewalk.
But for those “queers” that prefer to continue fornicating on campus, there will be a scared straight campaign running alongside the Fornicate Freely campaign. It coincides with Halloween this year!
“Gay sex isn’t illegal in the state,” Dean Friendly says. “But it is up to the students and faculty who acknowledge the moral corruptness of queerness to police this new policy.”