Drunk Mess

UM Student Roams the Streets Drunk Without Shoes or Wallet


Patas sucias (via Nick_Crow/Flikr)

At 6:23 a.m. Friday September 20th the sun was just beginning to rise over Coconut Grove as suburban white collars prepared for their commute. Beer-soaked plastic cups and dried vomit still lined Main Highway, but in the light of day, last night’s debauchery was now just a hazy memory and pounding headache.

Except for then 19-year-old University of Miami student Michael W., who in a drunken stupor failed to make it home at an acceptable hour. He was spotted by Miami-Dade Police aimlessly roaming the grove’s streets.

Michael did not know where he was, was not wearing any shoes, and did not have his wallet or any photo identification on him. He did manage to communicate to the officers that he was a University of Miami student.

Michael claims the night began in South Miami at a house party. Alcohol was being served and then things get a little fuzzy. All he knows, according to the report, is that he had been walking for hours before City of Miami police picked him up.

Michael lives at Pearson Residential College. South Miami is south of that and Coconut Grove is to the north. No one is sure how Michael got from Point A to Point B and lost his shoes and wallet, but everyone does know it is ill-advised to walk home from the grove late at night. (Some might argue that you’re better off hitchhiking with a sleazy bro.)

Since he was all out of cab fare, fortunately for Michael, the cops transported him to UMPD. UMPD officer Naya reports that “while speaking with [Michael] I could smell the odor of an unknown alcoholic beverage emitting from his facial region, I observed his pupils to be dilated and his eyes blood shot.”

Michael is under 21. The report does not mention any legal action or academic discipline just that Michael was released and “was able to walk under his own power” to his dorm.

Even though Michael could not recollect what happened to his shoes or wallet, if he’s lucky, he’ll copyright the plot to create The Hangover IV or finally get his amnesia checked out.


One thought on “UM Student Roams the Streets Drunk Without Shoes or Wallet

  1. Pingback: The Ten Funniest Incident Reports from Fall Semester 2013 | Tropical Disturbance

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